As I looked around the room filled with my former colleagues from Grossmont/Cuyamaca, all retired, I wondered how they would react to my introduction to “conscious” aging. I knew each one would have a different take.
Some enjoy time with their grandchildren, and others love to travel. Some are learning how to be single again after losing spouses. Others have struggled with a serious illness. Some are still teaching part-time, and at least one has written a book on her family’s history. The outstanding retiree we honored, Phebe Burnham, wakes up each morning eager to paint her popular portraits and has no plans to stop.
I saw smiles and nods of recognition as I shared the three paths author and geriatrician, Bill Thomas, predicts most people choose from as they age. If you’re interested, I invite you to read further to see which path or paths you might be on. READ MORE
One path people often take when aging is “Denialism. “ On the lower end of this spectrum, Denialism provides the illusion that people look and act younger than they are. Denialists dye their hair and try hard to remain part of the frenzied world of adulthood. They are anxious and unhappy about any aspect of their appearance or behavior that might be connected with getting old. Hearing aids and orthotic shoes are not acceptable in their world.
At the extreme, Denialists believe that aging will be stopped and then reversed. They are supporters of the large anti-aging industry – “hope in a bottle”- that sells nutritional supplements, creams, and special regimes. Denialists have internalized lots of our culture’s ageist stereotypes. Like Peter Pan, who wouldn’t grow up, they “refuse to acknowledge the passage of time and its impact on their minds and bodies.”
Those who follow the Realist path believe, “There isn’t much good to be said about aging, but instead of complaining about it, we should do what we can to avoid the worst of it. “ They are a little happier than Denialists because they have accepted that they are aging and put a lot of effort into staying fit, eating right, and challenging their minds. They embrace volunteering and estate planning. Though they take this practical approach to getting older, Realists still wish they could perpetuate adulthood since they, too, have bought into a lot of ageist beliefs. They dread aging and don’t see it as a wonderful opportunity to explore a different way of living.
Enthusiasts are the smallest group, so you may not know many in this category. They embrace aging, even though they know it will have rough spots. They see life beyond adulthood as a time of growth and discovery. Enthusiasts have a more relaxed attitude toward money and material things because they value experiences over things. The rewards they seek are memories, emotions, and psychological and spiritual insights. They challenge ageism since they see virtue in this time of their lives.
One of the first Enthusiasts was Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, author or Ageing to Sageing: A Profound New Vision of Growing Older, and founder of the Spiritual Eldering movement. Today we have a whole Conscious Aging Alliance of organizations that support the idea that a wonderful adventure awaits in old age.
Which path or paths will you choose? Maybe you can see that you’re already heading in one direction. I have tried all three at one time or another. No choice is good or bad, and some behaviors look the same no matter which path you take. All three groups may exercise and eat well, for example. The thoughts, beliefs, and motivations behind each are different, however. This is good news because we can change these if we want.
I encourage you to think more about your own aging process and to move a little closer, if you’re not already there, to seeing this time in your life as one of growth and opportunity. Join me and other Enthusiasts- most of the time anyway!
Reference
Bill Thomas. Second Wind. Navigating the Passage to a Slower, Deeper, and More Connected Life. Simon and Schuster, 2014.