One of my best discoveries during this Covid-19 pandemic has been Brene Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us. As I dusted the house this weekend, I was eager to hear her first fall episode – “Day 2,” named for “the messy middle” of the many 3-day intensive trainings Brene and her colleagues have conducted. This “messy middle” is where she believes we are now on this seemingly endless Covid-19 journey. Using this and other metaphors, Brene gave some direction and hope for our Covid-19 situation that I wanted to pass on along with some other resources.
Those of us who have experienced a 3-day intensive seminar can concur that Day 2 is typically “hitting the wall” time. The excitement of the first day has calmed, travel fatigue may have set in, and the content of the workshops is challenging. We’ve passed the “point of no return,” and the only way to go is forward. However, as Brene and her trainers concluded, “The middle is messy, but it’s where all the magic happens.” Despite the discomfort, that middle day leads to the greatest learning.
We have been on this pandemic journey since March, so the newness has definitely worn off. We are grieving all our losses of friends, family, jobs, businesses, and life as we knew it. We’ve made lots of adjustments already, and we’re tired. The only way to go is forward, but we have no idea how long it will take. Our path toward racial justice is similarly messy and uncomfortable at this point, but there’s no going back to “normal.” So how do we get through this “Day 2,”as we know we will?
We can follow the steps Brene recommends-
- Name it.
- Normalize it.
- Put it in perspective.
- Check our expectations around it.
Brene and her trainers gave this time its own name – “Day 2”- and normalized it by making adjustments. They had yoga class for the trainers and made sure they all ate a good breakfast. They were kinder and gentler to each other and the participants, acknowledging the toughness of the day. They put it in perspective, recognizing its importance in the overall success of the conference.
We can apply this to Fall 2020 in the midst of the pandemic. Let’s name it the “middle” or “Day 2.” It’s possible that we’re closer to the “end,” or Day 3, but it feels we are still in the “messy middle.” If we name it this, we acknowledge that we’re not going back to the old “normal.” We understand that this is the struggle part, where we seek solutions but may have some setbacks, all part of the process.
We can “normalize” it so that it’s easier to focus. One way to do this is to stay on some schedule, even if home all day. Follow a spiritual practice, such as meditation, journaling, or prayer to remain calmer. Recently I saw a good example of “normalizing” school. My neighbor is holding “school” for her four grandchildren. They arrived on the first day with backpacks loaded and wearing the “uniform” of their regular school. Mom was taking the usual “first day” photos!
Putting this time in perspective is easier for those of us over sixty, so we can be the role models. Recent pandemic research shows that older people are managing the best on the emotional and mental front despite their vulnerability if they contract Covid-19. In a survey of 9000 people across five generations, 39% of the Silent Generation (75+) and 33% of the boomers (56-74) answered “very well” when asked how they were coping. Of course, our life circumstances often lead to less stress around jobs, children, and finances than younger people. But putting that aside, older adults know how to deal with stress more strategically. This is not the first major crisis we have dealt with. We’ve already passed through some “Day 2s” and come out on the other side knowing how to embrace the journey with gratitude.
This said, we all need to check our expectations around the pandemic. Are they realistic? As Brene said, we may be whipped around a bit, like being on a Space Mountain ride with its twists and turns, ups and downs. There have been dark times and may be more if we forget our social distancing in our desire to feel normal and maybe enjoy a live football game. We may feel like we’re stumbling in the dark and may need to reach out for help. Above all, we need to remember that there is a Day 3, an ending to this pandemic, and that we will get through this.
I’d like to leave you with some covid resources that caring people have developed so you know you are not alone and to help with those days when you might feel a bit down.
From Next Avenue – a collection of articles dedicated to keeping their older readers …informed, safe, and prepared.
https://www.nextavenue.org/special-report/the-coronavirus-outbreak-what-you-need-to-know/
From On Being with Krista Tipppett- helpful information, poems, for different circumstances
https://onbeing.org/libraries/race-healing/
https://onbeing.org/starting-points/a-care-package-for-uncertain-times/
https://onbeing.org/starting-points/a-care-package-for-health-care-community/
From Sage-ing International – Tools for facing Covid19 with Wisdom, Compassion, and Courage